Bedtime

Most nights, bedtime is a bit of a chore. Christian has hit that stage where anything is better than going to bed, and he will do anything to avoid going upstairs to his room at the allotted time. We try to keep a schedule for him so when it is time for bed, he will not be surprised, or caught off guard. I know he is a child in need of boundaries, but we do have tremendous respect for our children's wishes and feelings. I never want Christian (or Elias someday)to feel like they cannot tell us something because we will brush off their feelings like they have no merit...just to follow some rule we have set up...like bedtime. Many nights he whines and fusses about having to go to bed. I always ask him why he does not want to go to bed. And he has a myriad of reasons...one more Sprout show, needs to get a drink of water, wants a bedtime snack, etc. We listen, and if the request is reasonable, then it is granted, but he still needs to go upstairs. If it is unreasonable (like watching one more show or reading one more book when we had already told him, and reminded him a couple times that is was the last show or book), then we remind him that we have told him that at the allotted time, after some sort of activity, it is time to go to bed.

Even though he will fuss, cry, whine, etc while going upstairs to bed, we still feel it to be necessary to treat him like a person with choices, a person with feelings and opinions, rather than brushing his opinions and feelings off just because he is a child. I will admit, I have used the cliche "because I told you so" when he asks me why he can't do something or why he has to do something, and this is something I need to stop. I want my children to always ask questions and really think about a decision they are making, or think about the request someone makes of them. Now, as Christian's mother, I have his best interests at heart, therefore it might not seem reasonable of him to ask me why he has to go throw the trash away, or whatever, but taking the time to answer the questions as to why I have made the request (while it might not satisfy him) it will give him an answer. An acceptable answer might be, "I want you to throw the paper away because you made the mess, and we need to clean up messes we make"...this can backfire and lead to more and more "why?" questions, but I do not think (for me at least) "because I told you so" is an acceptable reason. It is not a reason at all, and I want my children to always feel comfortable in asking me (and anyone) why. I never want to instill in my kids the need to obey without question, and with a good attitude. This might seem to some a very confusing concept and they might ask me why...

I will elaborate. If Mark and I get into the habit of disciplining Christian every time he questions us about why he must do something, he will grow up to feel like he needs to display the same kind of obedience to everyone, and this could be dangerous. Not everyone in the world, unfortunately desires his good or well being. There are child predators who prey on the very children who are taught to listen with unquestioning obedience. I also want my children to think about things rationally and make good decisions based on the questions and the research they conduct to answer the simple question of "why".

Now, in the end, Christian (and some day Elias) will still need to obey the request that has been made to him by us, but only after he tells us his concerns, if he has any. At this age (3), his concerns are more of the stalling nature or just simply because he does not want to. But by letting him know exactly why we wish him to do something (like go to bed, or throw away trash), it will give him a better idea in the long run (although most of the time he is still reluctant)and as he gets older he will understand more and more about why he needs to do things... and why he does not need to do other things if he is given an unreasonable or unacceptable request by someone. Also, it will show him that we honestly care about his opinion and want the best for him because we love him.

Bedtime was a little easier tonight than many nights. I am not sure why this was, except that everything seemed to flow better than it sometimes does. He was told he could watch two of his Sprout shows (educational bedtime shows) before heading upstairs. After the second show concluded, he went upstairs with both Mark and I. We talked to him for a little bit as he relived his day. We turned on his lullaby music, prayed with him, kissed and hugged him, and left the room. This particular bedtime was a success. :)