Tears of the World

When I was about 10 or 11 years old, I discovered a specific musical artist whose lyrics I found intriguing and thought provoking. My dad had all of Christian singer/songwriter Michael Card's albums up to that particular year (1993 or '94), but like most children, I did not pay attention to the lyrics of music unless it was something I found catchy or was popular with my age group. My dad had his album 'The Life' playing on our stereo when a particular song for whatever reason struck a chord (no pun intended) in me and made me listen to the words. It was the song 'Come to the Table', about the Last Supper.

'Come to the table, and taste of the glory, savor the sorrow. He's dying tomorrow. The Hand that is breaking the bread, soon will be broken...' The song is upbeat, but the words are sobering. I remember stopping whatever I was doing and sitting on the couch to hear, really hear, the rest of the song. The song after that one chronicled Jesus' time in the Garden of Gethsemane. Never before had I wanted to pick up my Bible willingly, look up these passages of Scripture and read them and try to understand. Thus my thirst for knowledge began. If I recall correctly, that day I listened to all of that album plus many more all while thumbing through my Bible.

Recently I discovered a song on Michael Card's album 'The Hidden Face of God' called Tears of the World that moved me to tears myself as I listened. The other day I played it over and over again to where now my 4 year old knows many of the words! This song is one of my new favorites as it very much describes my feelings and prayers about the recent news and everything happening in the world.


Tears of the World

In any split second of a moment of time,
In the blink that is one single day,
The sum of the sorrow that wraps round the world
Would catch every soul up and sweep them away.

As vast as the ocean, as deep as the sea,
Swept up in one toxic tide.
By warm salty waves the world weeps its woe
So how can it be that my own tears are dry?

So open my eyes and open my heart
And grant me the gift of Your grieving
And awaken in me the compassion to weep
Just one of the tears of the world.

When God walked among us in the fullness of time
He wept tears as old as the world
Acquainted with sorrow, He took up the cup
And drank every drop of the poison that heals.

And so comes the call of this sorrowful Man
To set our small sadness aside
To come now and follow no matter the cost
To follow Him boldly and wade in the tide.

So open my eyes and open my heart
And grant me the gift of Your grieving.
And awaken in me the compassion to weep
Just one of the tears of the world.

-Michael Card

Family

Have I mentioned how incredibly grateful I am to have the family I have? If not, there it is. I love my husband and two boys more and more everyday. :)

Recently we got pictures taken. They were more for Christian's 4th birthday, but as anyone who knows me can attest to, I had to sneak in some family shots as well. Amanda has taken pictures of our family since before Christian was born and she always seems to capture our personalities perfectly and know which locations suit us the best. For this session we went to a charming historical house in Fort Worth.

Here are a few of my favorites from the shoot.

I adore this sweet picture of father and son.

FINALLY!

Ok, I know its been a while (like nearly 5 months), but in my defense I have been busy purchasing a new house, selling the old one, moving, unpacking, and figuring out new schedules with the new house. Its finally ALL DONE and we couldn't be happier or more relieved.

It is such a process selling and buying a house. One or the other would be stressful enough in and of itself, but doing both of these at the same time is exhausting mentally and physically! For instance, after our house sold, we needed a place to live for a month while we worked on the details of buying our new house. Luckily, my grandmother and aunt and uncle offered up their beautiful guest house to us while we were transitioning. This cut WAY down on the stress, and well as the financial concerns. I am super grateful for them! The only issue was the distance for driving to work, kids activities, and daycare, but to us it didn't really matter as long as we were not homeless! :)

We finally moved into our new house on July 7 (Christian's birthday)and it was very special, not only because it was his birthday, but because everything was exactly a month apart. Our old house went on the market April 7. The buyers closed on it June 7, then we moved into our new house July 7. Perfect.

Later I will post some pictures of the house. I have so many plans for decorating. The wonderful thing with this house is that it has a very open floor plan (which I LOVE) and plenty of wall space, both of which our last house did not have, so the opportunities for DIY decorating projects are endless! I welcome ideas as well!

Whirlwind

The past couple of weeks have been so crazy busy with the house and everything associated with prepping to sell it and move somewhere else. Stressful is the key word that comes to mind. In the past two weeks we have been to Home Depot and Lowes more times than I want to count to get supplies and 6 pieces of tile. You wouldn't think only 6 pieces of floor tile would cause me to practically start twitching everytime I see Lowes, but they sure have.

In the beginning, we needed to replace 4 pieces of tile in the kitchen that have been gone for more than a year now. Up until now, we have just been covering the bare space with a mat. This mostly had to do with the fact the one of the pieces of tile we needed to replace was cut at an extremely awkward and difficult angle and we had no idea how we were going to size it up or get it cut. Also, the tile we needed to replace is not being sold anymore so we have to make multiple trips to several home improvement and florring stores to find tile that matched nearly perfectly. That is an enormous job. But, we finally found that pieces that work the best and match perfectly!

After about 4 tries with the oddly cut tile (and as many trips to Lowes and also several facetime contacts with my brother-in-law who has an eye for this type of stuff) we finally got it. Then, we discovered that some of the pieces of tile needed to go underneath the dishwasher (just a small sliver, but still, that is very important!)so Mark had to figure out how to uninstall a dishwasher, and then install it back once we were done. Thankfully, the dishwasher situation wasn't as complicated as uninstalling it to lay tile, as we discovered the only thing we needed to do was unscrew the the bottom part. By Sunday of last week, the tile was finally finished. And it looks great! I am very proud of my husband, because DIY projects around the house or otherwise are seriously not his thing, but he did such a fabulous job.

The next big job to tackle was the highest part of our ceiling directly above the stairs. There had been some water damage due to a leak several years earlier that had been fixed. The leak was fixed, but a small part of the ceiling was damaged because of it. My uncle came over with a 14 foot ladder to repair it. He had to sand it down, texture and paint it up to 6 times. He was there from 7am-8pm last Saturday while we were out of town. To say we are immensely grateful would be an understatement. That was the one thing that we were most concerned about getting fixed because of where it was. It is virtually impossible to reach that part of the ceiling because of how high the ceiling is in conjunction of it being right over the stairs. I am still not sure how he did it, but it is greatly appreciated!!

We still have a couple of little cosmetic projects to be done around the house (touch up paint here and there, more in depth cleaning), and carpet cleaners are coming today...but then we are done. A photographer is coming by on Monday to take pictures of the house, then once those are taken, the house will officially go on the market. It is a little scary, nerve wracking, and exciting all at the same time. Our realtor warned us that it is only going to get more stressful from here, especially when we find a house and put a bid on it to buy. The good news is that there is no particular rush to sell the house by a certain time. We would like to be settled in anew house by next year, so we have the rest of this year and part of the next to figure out what we are doing!

Prayers are still appreciated! :)

Some Delays

It has been over a month since I last updated this blog. That partly has to do with the fact that we are trying to sell our house...well, get it ready to sell anyway. It is set to go on the market April 1 and everything is pretty nerve wracking and slightly stressful. We still have a few cosmetic chores to complete, then we are done. Then, comes the process of trying to find (and qualify) to buy another house of our choice. We have a few places we are looking and they are mostly based upon the school districts in conjunction with where we work. I must say, everything is highly stressful and likely to only get worse as everything gets closer to market time...oh well, I know everything is in God's hands.

Another reason for the lack of updates has to do with our precious son Elias. He seems to have some developmental delays and it has been another cause of stress and worry for me. We have some people telling us not to worry about anything, and other telling us that we definitely need to be worried. He is 13.5 months old, and still not pulling himself up to a standing position. And when we place him in a standing position against a table, or couch, he will stand stiff as a board and will not take any steps. He is not cruising or taking any initiative to pull himself up. While with Christian I was worried that he wasn't walking "on time" (he began to walk at 15 months), he was pulling himself up, cruising, climbing up the stairs, etc by the time he was 9 months. Elias isn't even close to that. I also have a good friend of mine who is an occupational assistant therapist tell me that she she has noticed something wrong with his muscle tone. Needless to say this has worried me to no end, especially with all the "great" Internet reading I have been doing. Basically, Elias has cerebral palsy, major cognitive delays, and possible autism with everything I have been reading. so...I have been freaking out to say the least. today, in particular has been quite an emotional day for me.

At Elias' 12 month appointment, his pediatrician acknowledged that it is not the norm for children his age not to be hitting those milestones, but it might not mean a thing. She stated that she will reevaluate him when he comes in for his 15 month check up and if he is still not walking by that point, we will need to refer him for therapy services. She encouraged me to refer him at any time before that if I did not see any progression. So, today I called and got a referral for him to be evaluated by Early Childhood Intervention. This is more for my peace of mind. If they find something wrong, we can begin therapy as soon as possible. If not, we can wait another 6 weeks.

I am just really trying to trust God and remember that He is in control. If there is something wrong, or delays, it will be ok. I just wish I had a better grip on my emotions and I definitely need to stop worrying. Prayers would definitely be appreciated!

Happy Birthday, Elias

Happy Birthday, Tadpole. You are 1 year old today. I can't believe that last year on this day, Mommy and Daddy were at the hospital anxiously awaiting your arrival. Your big brother Christian was at home with Mimi and Paw-Pa ready to come up and visit you as soon as they got the call from Daddy that you were finally here. As soon as you were born, I immediately thought "Tadpole" and that was where your nickname came from. I remember being filled with such joy as soon as I saw your little baby form and I believed I even laughed because I was so happy. The Dr (also who delivered your brother) exclaimed, "he's perfect!" as he handed you to the nurse who laid you immediately upon my chest. You weighed 9lbs 8oz. Exactly like your brother, except you came a week earlier than your due date. We are so happy you are part of our family. Without you, we would not be whole. I would not be whole.

I love you, baby boy. You have been nothing but a joy and a blessing from day one.




These last 3 pictures and picture #1 were taken by Stevanovic Photography

Love,
Mommy

A 'Toot Sweet' Party

Elias turns 1 on Tuesday, January 28. This past Saturday we had his birthday party at my grandmother, and aunt and uncle's house as they were gracious to open their house to us to host this event. I wanted something different for the theme, something whimsical and sweet to capture the innocence of a 1 year old baby, and also to capture what I know Elias' personality to be. I found the Toot Sweet theme from Shop Sweet Lulu (my new absolute favorite party site) and fell in love. It seemed to capture everything I was looking for.



Because this was Elias' 1 year birthday, I only invited family and a few close friends to celebrate. Next year we will include all of his little friends as well. With mostly just family we had a full house! There was a bounce house for the children (and some of the adults too!)and my aunt found a Pandora station that played only Disney children's music which was perfect :)

We took a few (or 240) pictures of the day. A huge shout out goes to my sister-in-law April who took many of the fabulous pictures.

















I can't believe my little Tadpole, my Glowworm will be one in two days' time. It makes me sad that this year has flown by so quickly, but I am so excited about what the future brings for him.

Love,
Fiona

Why I Blog

I want to remember.

I want to remember certain feelings and experiences that I have with my children. The experiences I have with my family. Time goes by so fast, like a blink of an eye. I only have so many years with my kids before they are grown, out of the house, and have families of their own. I want to remember how I felt when Christian ran up to me, arms outstretched to give me a hug, and tell me in his sweet baby voice, "I love you Mommy."

I want to remember singing to Elias his special song and lifting him out of the bath, wrapping him in a towel while saying, "snug as a bug in a rug! Snug as a Tadpole in a rug," and see that smile that melts my heart appear across his face as I say it.

I want to remember the times Mark and I share; learning and growing together and we navigate new parenthood and what our relationship means as we continue to learn new insights about one another.

I want to remember the big things as well as the small. I also keep a journal of things to remember about this time and stage in our lives, but having something online ensures that it won't ever be lost or destroyed accidentally.

In short, I want to remember the life that we have right now (and in the future), because despite all the negativity and the doomsday seekers out there, whom it seems wish to focus on the petty aspects of life (mommy wars anyone?), there is so much beauty in the world. When I am upset, down, or prone to focus on negativity, all I have to do is look at my children and husband and know that everything is actually ok because they are in my world.

City of Lost Wages...

...also known as Las Vegas. This past weekend and part of the week, Mark and I went to Vegas with two of his brothers and sisters-in-law. We have had this trip planned for probably 6 months but up until it was nearly upon us, I didn't really think about it. I think I was trying to push it to the back of my mind because I knew I didn't want to leave both boys, but especially Elias as he is not quite a year old yet. The last few weeks I began to worry incessantly and become anxious. I did this the first time I left Christian for an extended time as well. I am still nursing him so I made sure I left enough frozen milk for my mother-in-law (who watched the boys) to give him, plus, I pumped while we were there. In the beginning, I planned to wean Elias early so neither of us would have to worry about it, but as the time got closer, I decided against it. I love nursing him (not so much pumping though), and he was/is still too young in my mind to consume regular milk full time. We have slowly introduced it to him, but he still primarily nurses. I was so worried that when we came back he would somehow forget to nurse, or prefer the sippy cup and regular milk over me, but my fears were groundless I am happy to say :) . A huge shout out goes to my fabulous mother-in-law who watched the boys for us. They are definitely a full time job!

While in Vegas we had a wonderful time. It was my first time there, so Mark and his brother and sis-in-law showed me around quite a bit. It was wonderful to spend so much time with them and see the other in-laws from California as well. I have to say, I married into an amazingly wonderful family whom I love very dearly. We spent the majority of our time walking to the hotels and casinos and enjoying the sights. We gambled some, but there was so much else to do that we didn't lose too much money! The trick is to only bring what you know you can lose, which is what we did. We ended up briging back most of what we brought in the first place! At an rate, we had such a good time, and are already planning a trip back :)


In the hotel/casino New York, New York


The water show in front of the Bellagio hotel


Inside the Venetian standing in front of where they do the gondola rides. I would like to do this next time.


Sneaking a pic before the Cirque Du Soleil show "KA". It was amazing, pictures wouldn't do it justice if we were allowed to take them!


Chinese New Year was being celebrated in many places, but none so grand as in the Bellagio. The display was amazing and made almost entirely out of flowers. There was incense burning as well which added a wonderful aroma to the atmosphere.



Later that evening we met up with more family and walked over to the Cosmopolitan Hotel to the Chandelier Lounge.


With the sisters-in-law


Brothers



As fun as we had, I was super glad to get home and see my little people again! I loved the huge hug Christian gave me when he first saw us after several days.

Signing off. Have a great evening!